Post by Rocton on Aug 25, 2011 22:16:26 GMT -5
(Disclaimer: None of the material written in this lesson was written by me. It was written my an old moderator of the board I frequented. Reading it improved my roleplaying a lot from what it used to be back in the day and while searching for some old material for my nostalgia topic with Mar, I came across this topic again. Feel free to read it and learn from it. To staff, if you find it useful enough switch it to the Rp training board. Due to lack of time and effort, I did include the change in color of fonts for several portions. If enough interest is shown, i'll go back and do it.
This lesson was originally written by Celox Caedo and can be viewed in it's original form here)
So i'm sick and tired of taking one look at topics on here and thinking their an embarrassment to RP, especially Intro wise. So this topic is going to be about the 2 kinds of introductions you can make the first being a new topic intro.
First we need a checklist to note what really need to do.
1. Describe surroundings. This is so everyone else in the topic gets a good feel for the area and so you can refer back to keep consistency this also saves people having to research the area or atleast recognize the part your talking aboutjust remember to keep it from your character POV
2. Explain why your there. Theres nothing more annoying then people who are just in places for the sake of being there. So make up a reason for it even if its a tad ludicrous its better then nothing. It also gives people an idea of how you plan for the topic to go.
3. Your thoughts on the current place. Potentially you can but your description of the place here and then just your characters opinion of it but it doesn't have to be blatant either subtlety is good and as you get past the first hurdle of RP'ing you can develop your skills further i'll go into this at a later date.
4. Appearance. Describe your character this makes Rp for others easier as they then can refer to your post in order to describe you and if their good enough they'll reword your description so it's not just copy and paste. By providing others with the information to improve their own RP your topic will look better and more people will want to join.
5. Do something. Though speech is not necessary unless an NPC character is involved or your talking to yourself you can still run, jump or whatever. None of you seem to have a problem with this aspect merely the detail in which you describe your movements, remember thesauruses and then dictionary to check the word you've found means what you want are your best friend. Whenever i'm stuck i always find the thesaurus and search for a good fitting word. A large vocabulary shows intelligence, we like intelligence.
6. Weather and time. Again theres nothing more annoying then not knowing what time of day it is or the weather when you enter a topic. Is it sunny, is it dark? Is the sun beating down on your character bringing sweat to their brow or is the wind chilling the bone marrow itself evoking shivers from your characters body. Again there is more subtlety then " It was windy today". Remember description and setting make a RP people will appreciate you setting it out even if they don't voice it it can make their turn easier.
7. Grammer, punctuation and spelling It doesn't need to be absolutely perfect grammer wise but if you have firefox its worth using the spell check feature. Capital letters look pretty at the beginning of sentences and full stops tell us where to breathe, commas make sense of a sentence but apart from that anything else is ok.
The intro should be one of the longest posts in the topic, if all of the above are included it will lengthen your post substantially and the mods will like you more so your creations will be approved quicker generally.
I'm going to use these 3 as examples and i really don't care if they are yours and you get offended. Take it as constructive criticism.
Typical bad one
Quote:
So whats wrong with this? Everything. Ok so he mentioned where it was. Thats about it. No description of the place, what it looks like and the like. No reason why he's there same case for this fox, no explanation why the hell that happened, where it came from and all that jazz. We have one opinion but no reason to back it up therefore it could be considered worthless.
Ok he 'smaped' his fingers, wow the sheer excitement that this evokes in me really can't be contained. Sarcasm.Is it night? Is it day? Maybe theres a snow storm coming in that i'm not aware of? Then the spelling is so awful that i wouldn't go near the topic with a 10ft barge pole.
An overall 1/ 14
Ok but not complete
Quote:
Ok, shes said that its an arena, no real detail about i though. Again we have no motive. We have one thought here. Kudos for the detail on a sentence or two even if the action is squashed into one part. No sense of time or environment here spelling and punctuation are ok. Overall 5/14
What you should aim for.
Quote:
Note the colors within it represent examples of all the points on the checklist.
I'll right part two tomorow: Introducing yourself in a current RP.
___________________________________________________________
I'm quite grumpy now seeing as i accidentally deleted the near finished original one but anyway moving on. With this lot alot are repeated but not all needed. Across this little series you will see alot of the same thing simply because most hold the same aspects but how much you put in in the rest are up to you and merely list what you can add to make a post more successful.
1. Describe surroundings. By doing this it adds depth and shows the author that you have read their description and so you know what your doing. Making your surroundings detailed gives the RP a more realistic quality and your posts more purpose and respect.
So lets have an example;
Visibility was poor as snow flurried across the frosted landscape, a wall of purity barricaded one step from the next as the wanderer trudged through the white death. The going was hazardous as the white coated mountainous region concealed ledge ends, drops and holes with its ivory beauty making every step potentially the hooded figures last. Though the danger was high and the ability to see more then 2 metres ahead impossible it was nothing to what it would be when the moon awakened, the nights here were treacherous but fortunatly the traveler might just make it to shelter yet . The sunset a brilliant orange as it steadily began to sink sorrowfully behind the mountain peaks, the pine forest set ablaze by the colouration almost like a beacon of hope leading him to the cover from the bone chilling cold tearing through his very being.
We must remember to keep to the authors descriptions though not copy them the best way to do this is with a thesaurus. Lets take the words white, cold and dangerous and see what it comes up with at thesaurus.com .
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Just remember to check he words you don't know in a dictionary.
So now we know where to get a multitude of words from lets make our own version of the description.
2. Explain why your there. This is one of the most important aspects of your intro. Theres nothing more annoying then people who are just in places for the sake of being there. So make up a reason for it even if its a tad ludicrous its better then nothing. Aslong as it makes sense you should be ok but remember to read the author intro carefully for ideas.
3. Your thoughts on the current place. Potentially you can put your description of the place here and then just your characters opinion of it but it doesn't have to be blatant either subtlety is good and as you get past the first hurdle of RP'ing you can develop your skills further i'll go into this at a later date. This isn't a hugely important part but adding it in will lengthen your post and give you something else to write about. Use the authors descriptions to be certain your having an opinion for something that exists in the scene.
4. Appearance. Describe your character this makes Rp for others easier as they then can refer to your post in order to describe you and if their good enough they'll reword your description so it's not just copy and paste. By providing others with the information to improve their own RP the topic will look better and more people will want to join.This is nearly as important as your reason simply because this will be the basis other RP'ers in the thread will use to describe you in their own posts, exaggerate things if you must but don't repeat the same words over and over. If your stuck use a thesaurus but remember make sure you don't sound like mr/mrs perfect the author will not like it if you upstage them.
5. Do something. Though speech is not necessary unless an NPC character is involved or your talking to yourself you can still run, jump or whatever. None of you seem to have a problem with this aspect merely the detail in which you describe your movements, remember thesauruses and then dictionary to check the word you've found means what you want are your best friend. Whenever i'm stuck i always find the thesaurus and search for a good fitting word. A large vocabulary shows intelligence, we like intelligence. Plus it will help your English in school.
At this stage you might observe the author or another character here if they aren't hidden observation is a good thing to put in an intro as it shows you've taken account of the other people in the thread but be careful to use only what they've described themselves with and only the actions they have executed themselves. I personally hate when people make assumptions of my character based on something i've put in thoughts but with no physical suggestion of it so do take care to read through their post and observe and react accurately.
6. Weather and time.
Again like the surrounding description this follows the same kind of thing though i included it within my description its easy to slot in anywhere just don't make the mistake of the author making it a light snow and you saying its a blizzard for example.
7. Grammar, punctuation and spelling It doesn't need to be absolutely perfect grammar wise but if you have firefox its worth using the spell check feature. Capital letters look pretty at the beginning of sentences and full stops tell us where to breathe, commas make sense of a sentence but apart from that anything else is ok.
8. Watch out for excessive action. This is when some people use chain upon chain of actions to make up for lack of detail to build line count. Its incredibly annoying and can be confusing at times for example;
There is another mistake in here, can anyone spot it?
Bob, he, bob, he.
Another annoying thing that can be seen in the above example is using he excessively or the characters name. A good way to combat this habit is by using your characters traits. For example my own character is half demon so i can use a variation of Celox, she, the hybrid, the demoness, the half demon, the female, teen. By using a variety of them will improve your sentences greatly making your post more interesting.
I think that will do for now. Next will be mid rp posts.
For a laugh see Farsa's poor attempt at a 'detailed' post in neoones thread this is an example of how not to do it. Just sit and laugh at it like i did.
_________________________________________________________
(I can't recall exactly but i believe this was the last lesson. I was unable to recover the second page of it so i can't be sure. )
This lesson was originally written by Celox Caedo and can be viewed in it's original form here)
So i'm sick and tired of taking one look at topics on here and thinking their an embarrassment to RP, especially Intro wise. So this topic is going to be about the 2 kinds of introductions you can make the first being a new topic intro.
First we need a checklist to note what really need to do.
1. Describe surroundings. This is so everyone else in the topic gets a good feel for the area and so you can refer back to keep consistency this also saves people having to research the area or atleast recognize the part your talking aboutjust remember to keep it from your character POV
2. Explain why your there. Theres nothing more annoying then people who are just in places for the sake of being there. So make up a reason for it even if its a tad ludicrous its better then nothing. It also gives people an idea of how you plan for the topic to go.
3. Your thoughts on the current place. Potentially you can but your description of the place here and then just your characters opinion of it but it doesn't have to be blatant either subtlety is good and as you get past the first hurdle of RP'ing you can develop your skills further i'll go into this at a later date.
4. Appearance. Describe your character this makes Rp for others easier as they then can refer to your post in order to describe you and if their good enough they'll reword your description so it's not just copy and paste. By providing others with the information to improve their own RP your topic will look better and more people will want to join.
5. Do something. Though speech is not necessary unless an NPC character is involved or your talking to yourself you can still run, jump or whatever. None of you seem to have a problem with this aspect merely the detail in which you describe your movements, remember thesauruses and then dictionary to check the word you've found means what you want are your best friend. Whenever i'm stuck i always find the thesaurus and search for a good fitting word. A large vocabulary shows intelligence, we like intelligence.
6. Weather and time. Again theres nothing more annoying then not knowing what time of day it is or the weather when you enter a topic. Is it sunny, is it dark? Is the sun beating down on your character bringing sweat to their brow or is the wind chilling the bone marrow itself evoking shivers from your characters body. Again there is more subtlety then " It was windy today". Remember description and setting make a RP people will appreciate you setting it out even if they don't voice it it can make their turn easier.
7. Grammer, punctuation and spelling It doesn't need to be absolutely perfect grammer wise but if you have firefox its worth using the spell check feature. Capital letters look pretty at the beginning of sentences and full stops tell us where to breathe, commas make sense of a sentence but apart from that anything else is ok.
The intro should be one of the longest posts in the topic, if all of the above are included it will lengthen your post substantially and the mods will like you more so your creations will be approved quicker generally.
I'm going to use these 3 as examples and i really don't care if they are yours and you get offended. Take it as constructive criticism.
Typical bad one
Quote:
*** arrived from the train and exists the train station "so this is Twinlight Town, it doesn't look a great thing, let's see if this town has good protectors" *** smaps his fingers and a vixen apperes and leaves "do and schear from a strong warrior and bring him to me"
So whats wrong with this? Everything. Ok so he mentioned where it was. Thats about it. No description of the place, what it looks like and the like. No reason why he's there same case for this fox, no explanation why the hell that happened, where it came from and all that jazz. We have one opinion but no reason to back it up therefore it could be considered worthless.
Ok he 'smaped' his fingers, wow the sheer excitement that this evokes in me really can't be contained. Sarcasm.Is it night? Is it day? Maybe theres a snow storm coming in that i'm not aware of? Then the spelling is so awful that i wouldn't go near the topic with a 10ft barge pole.
An overall 1/ 14
Ok but not complete
Quote:
*** moved along the extent of the arena as if she was attacking a real opponent, not just striking and dodging the air. Her moves were strong and her steps flawless as well as constant, never missing a beat. She spun and slashed, then dodged, jumped, and attacked again, moving her swords as if they were parts of her.
She paused for a moment, breathing heavily as she slid her swords back into their sheaths and ran her hand through her blond hair.
Will he come? She wondered as she closed her eyes.
She paused for a moment, breathing heavily as she slid her swords back into their sheaths and ran her hand through her blond hair.
Will he come? She wondered as she closed her eyes.
Ok, shes said that its an arena, no real detail about i though. Again we have no motive. We have one thought here. Kudos for the detail on a sentence or two even if the action is squashed into one part. No sense of time or environment here spelling and punctuation are ok. Overall 5/14
What you should aim for.
Quote:
With a sigh the hybrid landed in the dust with a soft thlump,her lean body emerged from the settling particles revealed to be in a poised crouch. Combat boots supported the demons powerful gastrocnemius all the way up to mid calf where various bindings of metal, cloth and leather supported the antagonistic muscles working through her thigh until they met her shorts. In a flash she was sprinting across the arena once more kicking up a trail of dust clouds in her wake. Each foot pushed of the ground with speed deemed inhuman as the hybrid darted towards a large square pillar marking the boundary of the designated fighting area. Using the carvings in the stone structure for extra grip she ran the length of it before kicking off from the very tip at an angle with much force as she shot into air. As if in slow motion she arched her back at the top of the leap silhouetted against the bright sun that glinted off her sunglasses and streamed along her raven hair that fluttered lightly in the breeze until she twisted into a corkscrew whilst she fell causing it to bend with her. Celox's slender form was now in the correct direction as her boots touched down in her previous footprints, knees bending to take the impact of gravity that had accumulated in her descent as her cloak whipped around the demoness.
Slowly she straightened, pivoting on her right foot in an clockwise rotation 180 degrees so she was facing her pack and sheathes before walking over to them at a steady gait. Infront of them she began to unfasten the claw like clasps of the black material that concealed her head and torso, prior to sliding her toned arms from the cloth and dropping the garb.
Celox wasn't heavily muscled but neither was she scrawny, too much would have slowed her down but too little would have equally done the same thing without enough power to push off forcefully. The contours of her spinal column was visible as she bent down to take a bottle of water from her bag, her large ears that peeked through her long hair flickered as she exposed herself though careful to be alert for any danger. Flexing her abdominals and Latiscimus Dorsi the latter contracting put her back into an upright position, the hybrid then stretched as she unscrewed the cap before drinking from the re hydrating liquid and losing herself to her thoughts. Though plenty of planets had arenas her personal preference was this one even if the sun was ridiculously hot and a ton of suncream was needed to stop her pale complexion turning to that of a strawberry it was her favourite purely for the fact that here you were more likely to find a sparring partner. Oh and the pillars, aerial maneuvers happened to be something she used alot, many of which needed regular training to keep flexibility and agility up but alot of places neglected to have anything to kick off. Celox had nowt but neglected her training recently as jobs had been sparse even during war planets never wanted to have to admit to needing help in their battles instead they were left to fending off with what little armed forces they had and she was left in peace.
The water slipped down her throat smoothly if only to soothe her body from the heat and dehydration rather then putting it back in from exertion during training as the exercises she had been doing were hardly strenuous. The remainder of the drink shone and refracted the light that passed through when Celox tilted her head back once more and sent it cascading into her mouth before she replaced the cap upon it.
Again she bent over, her raven hair shimmering like liquid in its well conditioned state that currently dangled before her eyes from the influence of gravity evoking her to push it aside as she put the drink back on the ground all whilst wondering if anyone would be around today for her to spar with. Never the less she picked up her swords and moved towards the centre of the area to begin another exercise.
Slowly she straightened, pivoting on her right foot in an clockwise rotation 180 degrees so she was facing her pack and sheathes before walking over to them at a steady gait. Infront of them she began to unfasten the claw like clasps of the black material that concealed her head and torso, prior to sliding her toned arms from the cloth and dropping the garb.
Celox wasn't heavily muscled but neither was she scrawny, too much would have slowed her down but too little would have equally done the same thing without enough power to push off forcefully. The contours of her spinal column was visible as she bent down to take a bottle of water from her bag, her large ears that peeked through her long hair flickered as she exposed herself though careful to be alert for any danger. Flexing her abdominals and Latiscimus Dorsi the latter contracting put her back into an upright position, the hybrid then stretched as she unscrewed the cap before drinking from the re hydrating liquid and losing herself to her thoughts. Though plenty of planets had arenas her personal preference was this one even if the sun was ridiculously hot and a ton of suncream was needed to stop her pale complexion turning to that of a strawberry it was her favourite purely for the fact that here you were more likely to find a sparring partner. Oh and the pillars, aerial maneuvers happened to be something she used alot, many of which needed regular training to keep flexibility and agility up but alot of places neglected to have anything to kick off. Celox had nowt but neglected her training recently as jobs had been sparse even during war planets never wanted to have to admit to needing help in their battles instead they were left to fending off with what little armed forces they had and she was left in peace.
The water slipped down her throat smoothly if only to soothe her body from the heat and dehydration rather then putting it back in from exertion during training as the exercises she had been doing were hardly strenuous. The remainder of the drink shone and refracted the light that passed through when Celox tilted her head back once more and sent it cascading into her mouth before she replaced the cap upon it.
Again she bent over, her raven hair shimmering like liquid in its well conditioned state that currently dangled before her eyes from the influence of gravity evoking her to push it aside as she put the drink back on the ground all whilst wondering if anyone would be around today for her to spar with. Never the less she picked up her swords and moved towards the centre of the area to begin another exercise.
Note the colors within it represent examples of all the points on the checklist.
I'll right part two tomorow: Introducing yourself in a current RP.
___________________________________________________________
I'm quite grumpy now seeing as i accidentally deleted the near finished original one but anyway moving on. With this lot alot are repeated but not all needed. Across this little series you will see alot of the same thing simply because most hold the same aspects but how much you put in in the rest are up to you and merely list what you can add to make a post more successful.
1. Describe surroundings. By doing this it adds depth and shows the author that you have read their description and so you know what your doing. Making your surroundings detailed gives the RP a more realistic quality and your posts more purpose and respect.
So lets have an example;
Visibility was poor as snow flurried across the frosted landscape, a wall of purity barricaded one step from the next as the wanderer trudged through the white death. The going was hazardous as the white coated mountainous region concealed ledge ends, drops and holes with its ivory beauty making every step potentially the hooded figures last. Though the danger was high and the ability to see more then 2 metres ahead impossible it was nothing to what it would be when the moon awakened, the nights here were treacherous but fortunatly the traveler might just make it to shelter yet . The sunset a brilliant orange as it steadily began to sink sorrowfully behind the mountain peaks, the pine forest set ablaze by the colouration almost like a beacon of hope leading him to the cover from the bone chilling cold tearing through his very being.
We must remember to keep to the authors descriptions though not copy them the best way to do this is with a thesaurus. Lets take the words white, cold and dangerous and see what it comes up with at thesaurus.com .
Quote:
Synonyms: alarming, bad, breakneck*, chancy, critical, dangersome, deadly, delicate, dynamite, exposed, fatal, formidable, hairy*, heavy*, hot*, impending, impregnable, insecure, jeopardous, loaded, malignant, menacing, mortal, nasty, parlous, perilous, portentous, precarious, pressing, queasy, risky, serious, serpentine, shaky, speculative, terrible, thorny*, threatening, ticklish*, touch-and-go*, touchy, treacherous, ugly*, unhealthy, unsafe, unstable, urgent, viperous, vulnerable
Quote:
Synonyms: algid, arctic, below freezing, below zero, benumbed, biting, bitter, blasting, bleak, boreal, brisk, brumal, chill, chilled, cool, crisp, cutting, freezing, frigid, frore, frosty, frozen, gelid, glacial, hiemal, hyperborean, icebox, iced, icy, inclement, intense, keen, nipping, nippy, numbed, numbing, one-dog night*, penetrating, piercing, polar, raw, rimy, severe, sharp, shivery, sleety, snappy, snowy, stinging, wintry
Quote:
Synonyms: Caucasian, achromatic, achromic, alabaster, ashen, blanched, bleached, bloodless, chalky, clear, fair, frosted, ghastly, gray, hoary, immaculate, ivory, light, milky, neutral, pallid, pasty, pearly, pure, silver, silvery, snowy, spotless, stainless, transparent, unblemished, unsullied, wan, waxen
Just remember to check he words you don't know in a dictionary.
So now we know where to get a multitude of words from lets make our own version of the description.
Bob was poised, crouched, battered by the malignant glacial wind guised as innocence, of snow. Atop the treacherous ledge he overlooked the snow kissed scene simply beauiful as the tangerine light from the setting sun washed over the steady incline towards the mountain. THe cloaked figure shivered as the cold wracked his bones to the marrow, a sure sign he should get moving atleast to the cover of the evergreen forest up ahead before the night set in. The descent to the forest level would be perilous due to the limited visabilty and the icey conditions.
2. Explain why your there. This is one of the most important aspects of your intro. Theres nothing more annoying then people who are just in places for the sake of being there. So make up a reason for it even if its a tad ludicrous its better then nothing. Aslong as it makes sense you should be ok but remember to read the author intro carefully for ideas.
3. Your thoughts on the current place. Potentially you can put your description of the place here and then just your characters opinion of it but it doesn't have to be blatant either subtlety is good and as you get past the first hurdle of RP'ing you can develop your skills further i'll go into this at a later date. This isn't a hugely important part but adding it in will lengthen your post and give you something else to write about. Use the authors descriptions to be certain your having an opinion for something that exists in the scene.
4. Appearance. Describe your character this makes Rp for others easier as they then can refer to your post in order to describe you and if their good enough they'll reword your description so it's not just copy and paste. By providing others with the information to improve their own RP the topic will look better and more people will want to join.This is nearly as important as your reason simply because this will be the basis other RP'ers in the thread will use to describe you in their own posts, exaggerate things if you must but don't repeat the same words over and over. If your stuck use a thesaurus but remember make sure you don't sound like mr/mrs perfect the author will not like it if you upstage them.
5. Do something. Though speech is not necessary unless an NPC character is involved or your talking to yourself you can still run, jump or whatever. None of you seem to have a problem with this aspect merely the detail in which you describe your movements, remember thesauruses and then dictionary to check the word you've found means what you want are your best friend. Whenever i'm stuck i always find the thesaurus and search for a good fitting word. A large vocabulary shows intelligence, we like intelligence. Plus it will help your English in school.
At this stage you might observe the author or another character here if they aren't hidden observation is a good thing to put in an intro as it shows you've taken account of the other people in the thread but be careful to use only what they've described themselves with and only the actions they have executed themselves. I personally hate when people make assumptions of my character based on something i've put in thoughts but with no physical suggestion of it so do take care to read through their post and observe and react accurately.
6. Weather and time.
Again like the surrounding description this follows the same kind of thing though i included it within my description its easy to slot in anywhere just don't make the mistake of the author making it a light snow and you saying its a blizzard for example.
7. Grammar, punctuation and spelling It doesn't need to be absolutely perfect grammar wise but if you have firefox its worth using the spell check feature. Capital letters look pretty at the beginning of sentences and full stops tell us where to breathe, commas make sense of a sentence but apart from that anything else is ok.
8. Watch out for excessive action. This is when some people use chain upon chain of actions to make up for lack of detail to build line count. Its incredibly annoying and can be confusing at times for example;
Bob slowly descended the ledge, he put first his left foot down and then his right whilst gripping the sword he'd plunged into the mountain side for extra friction he repeated the left right procedure as he moved the sword down with him though careful when wrenching it out and inserting it again and moving down. He used one hand to move his long hair from his eyes as he continued down and down again moving it behind his ears again. As he was low enough he kicked off the side wrenching his sword fee once more launching into the air and leaping down into the snow narrowly avoiding a pot hole and avoiding twisting his ankle. It was then Bob saw the figure ahead when Bob's eyes traveled along the trench the person had made in way up the mountain as Bob threw all safety away he sprinted as well as he could in the deep snow towards the stranger, leaping from one foot to the other awkwardly looking like a great oaf noisily.
There is another mistake in here, can anyone spot it?
Bob, he, bob, he.
Another annoying thing that can be seen in the above example is using he excessively or the characters name. A good way to combat this habit is by using your characters traits. For example my own character is half demon so i can use a variation of Celox, she, the hybrid, the demoness, the half demon, the female, teen. By using a variety of them will improve your sentences greatly making your post more interesting.
I think that will do for now. Next will be mid rp posts.
For a laugh see Farsa's poor attempt at a 'detailed' post in neoones thread this is an example of how not to do it. Just sit and laugh at it like i did.
_________________________________________________________
(I can't recall exactly but i believe this was the last lesson. I was unable to recover the second page of it so i can't be sure. )
