Post by Admin Roc on Jun 4, 2011 7:05:00 GMT -5
((Continued from FS.))
[/url]. Don't worry if it seems difficult at first -- important concepts in writing almost ALWAYS fall into the category of "quick to learn, long to master". Just think the words "show don't tell" occasionally when you're writing a post to start with, see where it takes you.)[/size]
Creativity: √
(The interplay between the mirror designs and the images they showed was a nice touch, doubly so regarding the contrasting images of the 'child' mirror breaking into liquid and the 'elder' mirror wisping away into dust. Having the 'gender-swap' mirror be an over-size makeup mirror made me chuckle, so good job there. The mirror reflections themselves were good, though I feel you could have gone a bit further with the 'failure', 'female', and the final mirror concepts. Overall, good work though.)
Character Development: √ ~
(Partial credit here, one out of two possible Points. Your mirror-self concepts were fairly solid and did express aspects of Crush's personality fairly well -- anguished and angry childhood, self disappointment, a strong desire for companionship and loyal friends -- his reactions to them didn't really reveal much of what was going on in his head as each image confronted him. The smile at the first mirror, startled reaction at the second, fear at the third, confusion at the forth, uncertainty at the fifth, terror at the sixth, and desire to reassure himself at the last one were all good starting points... but a glimpse into his thoughts, maybe a bit of internal monologue, would've gone a long way towards displaying character development.)
TOTAL POINTS EARNED
4 out of 5[/quote]
-----------------------------
KEY LESSON
The strength of a roleplayer comes from a well-built character, and the strength of a character comes from the strength of their personal narrative (backstory) and how effectively their personality is conveyed to the reader.
In casual roleplay, always be mindful of a character's most deeply held convictions, hopes, and fears -- they should inform ALL of the character's choices, as this helps establish their "presence" to the reader.
In combat, a well-built character separates the rookies from the pros. An amateur believes that a character is built around what they can do -- skills, powers, weapons, etc. -- but a veteran knows that a character is built on what they experience. Fighting is as mental and emotional as it is physical, so a character with a strong narrative and well-expressed personality is naturally better equipped to produce strong, interesting fight scenes.
All in all, RP is a "reader-centric" art -- if you can impress your audience, then your character has real power.[/center]
The steps leading up from Death City to Shibusen were no shorter or less numerous in this twisted dreamlike place than they were in real life -- if anything, they seemed to stretch on even further, riding high into the now-darkening skies. The lofty towers, skull emblems, and lit candle-spires could be seen up ahead, but only dimly, as if the school were emerging through a blanket of fog instead of the clear air that was actually there. And as his foot was placed on the first step the sound of breaking glass from somewhere behind him tore open the eerie quiet like a banshee's wail -- the mirrors all shattered, miniscule fragments raining down on the pavement like falling snow.
And several dozen feet up ahead, the strange ball of light waited, seeming to watch him.
Slowly -- yet with a speed that made it seem impossibly distant in an eyeblink, as though the distance were bending around it -- the little light ascended the stairs. If Crush attempted to pursue it he'd find it quite impossible to catch, always just out of reach, taunting him with cryptic lines of poetry.
As the chase continued up the impossibly long steps, the strangest thing began to happen. The steps began to grow in length, quickly becoming larger and larger platforms until each was a miniature plateau in its own right, almost ten feet in length. What's more, the air on either side of the steep path began to ripple, like water when a gentle wind blows across it. Something was happening, but it was impossible to tell what.
And somewhere along the way the ground dropped out, leaving only a railingless staircase rising into empty air towards a Shibusen that may as well have been an island floating in the sky. Though this change was impossible to see from Crush's perspective he somehow just knew that it had happened...
... and stranger still was the knowledge, from no apparent source, that one face of the stairs was just as good as the other. That gravity itself was now slaved to the path up in the most impossible of ways.
And with that knowledge came the nagging sensation that trouble had it's eyes on him.
Your challenge this time is:
The path ahead is exceptionally dangerous. You're not in danger of falling off -- gravity on the stairs is now relative, so it's possible to swing off and land on the underside and vice versa, much like in this famous painting by MC Escher or this sequence from the KH2 opening.
No, the real danger is the rippling air on both sides of the stairs. What you will face in this test is an obstacle course of "randomly" generated hazards that will seem to simply appear out of thin air. Your character's goal is to survive the hazards, by wit, skill, or strength, and make it to the front door of Shibusen. Your task is to make getting there a good read.
In getting to the door, your character must trigger -- and then overcome -- a minimum of ten (10) Hazards. What Hazards your character faces are up to you, the writer. You can choose from the list below or create up to three of your own.
The focus of the lesson is on tactical thinking and using the environment to your advantage. This means it's very important how your character overcomes a given obstacle or threat -- simply "powering through" won't get you as many points as coming up with creative solutions will. Keep in mind: with gravity being applicable to both sides of the stairs this presents an unusual environment, one that can be used in all sorts of ways. Try to come up with a way to use it for more than just dodging, though.
The minimum word count for this Training Exercise is 1000 words.
LESSON 2 GRADING:
Basic Expectations: up to 1 Point
Creativity: up to 2 Points
Tacticality: up to 2 Points
Using Environment: up to 3 Points
TOTAL POSSIBLE: 8 Points
(Bonus points can be added for truly *exemplary* RPing, but you must go above and beyond.)[/ul]
LESSON ONE
REPORT CARD
Basic Expectations: √
(Word Count of 1127; 6 optional Mirrors + 1 Required Mirror)
Description: √
(Strengths: Variation in mirror design and stylistics, lifelike characteristics of reflections fairly well conveyed, good use of sensory words {recoiled, shattered, evaporated, worn wooden borders, turn to dust}, consistent and logical flow.)
(Areas of Improvement: 'Stated' rather than 'revealed' details. It's one thing to say simply that a character is a child or an old man, but toss in a few sensory details -- wrinkled and blemished skin, yellowing teeth, long sagging circles under the eyes, spotty patches of thinning gray hair -- and 'old man' turns from a dry concept into a "portrait". Strong descriptive writing is all about "painting" with your words, giving your reader details that will craft a vivid image in their minds. Same goes for expressions and reactions; a 'trembling hand' and a 'pleading gaze' gives your writing more punch than statement-words like 'scared' and 'sad' do -- it's a concept in writing called [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Show,_don%27t_tell"show, don't tell"
REPORT CARD
Basic Expectations: √
(Word Count of 1127; 6 optional Mirrors + 1 Required Mirror)
Description: √
(Strengths: Variation in mirror design and stylistics, lifelike characteristics of reflections fairly well conveyed, good use of sensory words {recoiled, shattered, evaporated, worn wooden borders, turn to dust}, consistent and logical flow.)
(Areas of Improvement: 'Stated' rather than 'revealed' details. It's one thing to say simply that a character is a child or an old man, but toss in a few sensory details -- wrinkled and blemished skin, yellowing teeth, long sagging circles under the eyes, spotty patches of thinning gray hair -- and 'old man' turns from a dry concept into a "portrait". Strong descriptive writing is all about "painting" with your words, giving your reader details that will craft a vivid image in their minds. Same goes for expressions and reactions; a 'trembling hand' and a 'pleading gaze' gives your writing more punch than statement-words like 'scared' and 'sad' do -- it's a concept in writing called [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Show,_don%27t_tell"show, don't tell"
Creativity: √
(The interplay between the mirror designs and the images they showed was a nice touch, doubly so regarding the contrasting images of the 'child' mirror breaking into liquid and the 'elder' mirror wisping away into dust. Having the 'gender-swap' mirror be an over-size makeup mirror made me chuckle, so good job there. The mirror reflections themselves were good, though I feel you could have gone a bit further with the 'failure', 'female', and the final mirror concepts. Overall, good work though.)
Character Development: √ ~
(Partial credit here, one out of two possible Points. Your mirror-self concepts were fairly solid and did express aspects of Crush's personality fairly well -- anguished and angry childhood, self disappointment, a strong desire for companionship and loyal friends -- his reactions to them didn't really reveal much of what was going on in his head as each image confronted him. The smile at the first mirror, startled reaction at the second, fear at the third, confusion at the forth, uncertainty at the fifth, terror at the sixth, and desire to reassure himself at the last one were all good starting points... but a glimpse into his thoughts, maybe a bit of internal monologue, would've gone a long way towards displaying character development.)
TOTAL POINTS EARNED
4 out of 5[/quote]
-----------------------------
KEY LESSON
The strength of a roleplayer comes from a well-built character, and the strength of a character comes from the strength of their personal narrative (backstory) and how effectively their personality is conveyed to the reader.
In casual roleplay, always be mindful of a character's most deeply held convictions, hopes, and fears -- they should inform ALL of the character's choices, as this helps establish their "presence" to the reader.
In combat, a well-built character separates the rookies from the pros. An amateur believes that a character is built around what they can do -- skills, powers, weapons, etc. -- but a veteran knows that a character is built on what they experience. Fighting is as mental and emotional as it is physical, so a character with a strong narrative and well-expressed personality is naturally better equipped to produce strong, interesting fight scenes.
All in all, RP is a "reader-centric" art -- if you can impress your audience, then your character has real power.[/center]
The steps leading up from Death City to Shibusen were no shorter or less numerous in this twisted dreamlike place than they were in real life -- if anything, they seemed to stretch on even further, riding high into the now-darkening skies. The lofty towers, skull emblems, and lit candle-spires could be seen up ahead, but only dimly, as if the school were emerging through a blanket of fog instead of the clear air that was actually there. And as his foot was placed on the first step the sound of breaking glass from somewhere behind him tore open the eerie quiet like a banshee's wail -- the mirrors all shattered, miniscule fragments raining down on the pavement like falling snow.
And several dozen feet up ahead, the strange ball of light waited, seeming to watch him.
"I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
What ever you see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel, only truthful---
The eye of a little god, four-cornered."
What ever you see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel, only truthful---
The eye of a little god, four-cornered."
Slowly -- yet with a speed that made it seem impossibly distant in an eyeblink, as though the distance were bending around it -- the little light ascended the stairs. If Crush attempted to pursue it he'd find it quite impossible to catch, always just out of reach, taunting him with cryptic lines of poetry.
"Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn�t there
He wasn�t there again today
I wish, I wish he�d go away..."
I met a man who wasn�t there
He wasn�t there again today
I wish, I wish he�d go away..."
As the chase continued up the impossibly long steps, the strangest thing began to happen. The steps began to grow in length, quickly becoming larger and larger platforms until each was a miniature plateau in its own right, almost ten feet in length. What's more, the air on either side of the steep path began to ripple, like water when a gentle wind blows across it. Something was happening, but it was impossible to tell what.
And somewhere along the way the ground dropped out, leaving only a railingless staircase rising into empty air towards a Shibusen that may as well have been an island floating in the sky. Though this change was impossible to see from Crush's perspective he somehow just knew that it had happened...
... and stranger still was the knowledge, from no apparent source, that one face of the stairs was just as good as the other. That gravity itself was now slaved to the path up in the most impossible of ways.
And with that knowledge came the nagging sensation that trouble had it's eyes on him.
Your challenge this time is:
The path ahead is exceptionally dangerous. You're not in danger of falling off -- gravity on the stairs is now relative, so it's possible to swing off and land on the underside and vice versa, much like in this famous painting by MC Escher or this sequence from the KH2 opening.
No, the real danger is the rippling air on both sides of the stairs. What you will face in this test is an obstacle course of "randomly" generated hazards that will seem to simply appear out of thin air. Your character's goal is to survive the hazards, by wit, skill, or strength, and make it to the front door of Shibusen. Your task is to make getting there a good read.
In getting to the door, your character must trigger -- and then overcome -- a minimum of ten (10) Hazards. What Hazards your character faces are up to you, the writer. You can choose from the list below or create up to three of your own.
The focus of the lesson is on tactical thinking and using the environment to your advantage. This means it's very important how your character overcomes a given obstacle or threat -- simply "powering through" won't get you as many points as coming up with creative solutions will. Keep in mind: with gravity being applicable to both sides of the stairs this presents an unusual environment, one that can be used in all sorts of ways. Try to come up with a way to use it for more than just dodging, though.
The minimum word count for this Training Exercise is 1000 words.
LESSON 2 GRADING:
Basic Expectations: up to 1 Point
Creativity: up to 2 Points
Tacticality: up to 2 Points
Using Environment: up to 3 Points
TOTAL POSSIBLE: 8 Points
(Bonus points can be added for truly *exemplary* RPing, but you must go above and beyond.)[/ul]