Post by Vespera Velázquez on Jul 16, 2011 23:27:35 GMT -5
So, I'm not feeling quite that happy lately. I need to vent, don't feel like talking to my normal group of friends about it at all, so you guys get to sit and suffer through this.
For more than a year now, I've been without a job, and not for lack of trying, either. I've applied at over 60 places since I lost my last job, and no one wants me. It doesn't help that I have a criminal record (Sale of alcohol to someone under 21, it's a long story but it wasn't intentional) AND I was terminated, the double whammy of things potential employers do not want to see. It doesn't help that I've been under the impression that since I never went to court for the charge I wasn't convicted, but I only recently discovered that it does, in fact, still show on my record. Even though I've started to put it down, it hasn't changed my results. The ONLY good that that's come of this is that I'm getting to go back to school to finish my Computer Technology degree, but the courses are going to be tough and I don't know if my feeble willpower can do it at this point.
My website is still down due to a lack of direction. That's a minor thing but it still gets under my skin.
What set me off tonight is my secondary hard drive (Which already had problems in the past) crashed again today and took my primary hard drive with it, forcing me to reinstall windows again. And since I have got it back and running, I am having an old problem that preceded my video card frying where my entire computer stops functioning for a good 15-30 seconds, I hear a horrifying click come from the case, and it resumes normal operation. Hopefully like before it is temporary and is NOT signifying that something ELSE is going to fry. Not having a job makes getting replacement parts a BITCH.
And of course, most of all, there's a girl that I've known for about 7 years now who I'm quite fond of; she rejected me in 2005, saying she wasn't interested in dating anyone at the time. Well, 6 years later she's gone through a few boyfriends, she's been single for a while now, and while she's treated me like crap on more than one occasion, I'm still attracted to her. I put it the best way I could to her a few days ago, and I still haven't heard back from her on that, yet I have talked to her since then and she's said nothing of it, so I'm probably being given a silent rejection, which somehow feels worse than if she just said no. And either way the blow to my morale is probably pushing me further into being reclusive. I mean, I sit around all day writing characters, mostly girls, in some vain attempt to have social interaction without actually talking to anyone. And my art is suffering too, from all of it. I use to do two comic pages a week for my site, then this hit and it was all over. I've also been using my art ability for inappropriate things, make of that what you will.
I keep hoping that when school starts back, everything will start to look up, but right now, I'm doing everything I can to keep from going absolutely nuts.
For more than a year now, I've been without a job, and not for lack of trying, either. I've applied at over 60 places since I lost my last job, and no one wants me. It doesn't help that I have a criminal record (Sale of alcohol to someone under 21, it's a long story but it wasn't intentional) AND I was terminated, the double whammy of things potential employers do not want to see. It doesn't help that I've been under the impression that since I never went to court for the charge I wasn't convicted, but I only recently discovered that it does, in fact, still show on my record. Even though I've started to put it down, it hasn't changed my results. The ONLY good that that's come of this is that I'm getting to go back to school to finish my Computer Technology degree, but the courses are going to be tough and I don't know if my feeble willpower can do it at this point.
My website is still down due to a lack of direction. That's a minor thing but it still gets under my skin.
What set me off tonight is my secondary hard drive (Which already had problems in the past) crashed again today and took my primary hard drive with it, forcing me to reinstall windows again. And since I have got it back and running, I am having an old problem that preceded my video card frying where my entire computer stops functioning for a good 15-30 seconds, I hear a horrifying click come from the case, and it resumes normal operation. Hopefully like before it is temporary and is NOT signifying that something ELSE is going to fry. Not having a job makes getting replacement parts a BITCH.
And of course, most of all, there's a girl that I've known for about 7 years now who I'm quite fond of; she rejected me in 2005, saying she wasn't interested in dating anyone at the time. Well, 6 years later she's gone through a few boyfriends, she's been single for a while now, and while she's treated me like crap on more than one occasion, I'm still attracted to her. I put it the best way I could to her a few days ago, and I still haven't heard back from her on that, yet I have talked to her since then and she's said nothing of it, so I'm probably being given a silent rejection, which somehow feels worse than if she just said no. And either way the blow to my morale is probably pushing me further into being reclusive. I mean, I sit around all day writing characters, mostly girls, in some vain attempt to have social interaction without actually talking to anyone. And my art is suffering too, from all of it. I use to do two comic pages a week for my site, then this hit and it was all over. I've also been using my art ability for inappropriate things, make of that what you will.
I keep hoping that when school starts back, everything will start to look up, but right now, I'm doing everything I can to keep from going absolutely nuts.
